Patchwork

These days, hearts get bumped, scratched, and broken very easily. I don't think we give enough credit to the severity of that. Our hearts were given to us whole, that's how they are meant to stay, in an ideal world of course. But it's because hearts aren't meant to be broken, or otherwise injured, that it feels so unnatural when they are. That's why it hurts so much.

As humans, many time when something is broken we naturally want to fix it. If a car or computer is broken, we call in the necessary people to come and fix it for us. If a piece on a child's toy comes off, we may help them by gluing it back on. If we get a hole in our favorite piece of clothing, we may seek to patch it up. Unfortunately, fixing our heart is not so easy. When someone breaks our heart, leaves it torn up with holes all through it, we feel the same need to fix it. So when our heart has undergone this terrible trauma and is left uncomplete and hurting, we start searching frantically and blindly for anything that we can to fill up and patch our heart.

And sometimes, we try to patch up our heart with whoever left it broken in the first place. We may think to ourselves, "Well, they did a really great job of filling my empty spaces before. So if I can just hold onto them and get them to stick around, then my heart will be fixed!" Whether we think that consciously or subconsciously, our first reaction can often be to fill the hole that someone left behind, with the very person that put it there. But it doesn't have to be this way, in fact many times this attempt to fix the heart in this way just makes it worse than before.

In discussing this topic with a friend, I realized something. We cannot effectively patch our own hearts. Can we awkwardly fit other people and things into the holes in our heart to try to make it feel better? Absolutely. But God is the ONLY one that can truly patch our hearts up. And the great thing about letting God patch our hearts up, is that he doesn't need the old material to patch it up. He can bring completely new material into the picture in order to patch our broken heart. Which makes sense.

Growing up, whenever I would get a tear or hole in my clothes, I could take them to my mom to patch them for me. The first step in the process of patching jeans is to find similar denim material that matches them. But when you're patching something, you never use the same material that you had before. You use brand new, fresh, and stronger material than was there before.

When God patches our heart he does the same thing. He uses brand new material. Our God is not bound to having to use the same material as before. He often times has a brand new and much better material in mind. So in order to let God mend our broken hearts, we have to walk away from the old and follow Him towards whatever He has in mind to patch that hole. Don't put God in a box, and don't give him limited material to work with either.

My Personal Worldview

Also another paper I did for school, but I still think it's of interest to others. Check it out!

Does God really exist?

            There is no logical reason behind a nonexistence of God. I believe the only reason there is any debate on this topic is because humans have such a difficult time living life in submission to someone else that over time people found a reason not to believe in God. If God does not really exist then humans are able to do anything they wish without any consequences. But to rationalize the nonexistence of God, one must first figure out how humans came into existence if there is no creator. This is where the big bang theory and evolution come into play. Scientists, desperate to justify their belief that there is no God, had to find a way to rationalize their existence in the absence of a God. When researching this topic in eighth grade, I came upon a quote that stated, “If you throw a stick of dynamite into a pile of logs, it doesn’t form a log cabin. It explodes and scatters everywhere.” Meaning, the theory that an explosion could have started the world as we know it is equal to blowing up a pile of logs and getting a log cabin from it. It takes more faith to believe in manmade theories than it does to believe in God. But humans do not have to follow the rules of their manmade theories. Logically, there’s no other way that we could be in existence without God, therefore God must exist.

What is the character and nature of God?

            Francis Chan makes the point that, “We don't get to decide who God is.” Chan also says, “…we have an inaccurate view of God. We see Him as a benevolent Being who is satisfied when people manage to fit Him into their lives in some small way. We forget that God never had an identity crisis. He knows that He’s great and deserves to be the center of our lives.” There are many misconceptions of God. Some view God as a loving being, one that would never lash out in anger and does all things in a kind and generous way. Some view God as a spiteful being who makes bad things happen in the world because He is angry with us for sinning and going against Him. But in all reality, God is an even mixture of these two extremes. God is love (1 John 4:8). Love is the basis of all that He does. He created us out of love. He sent Jesus to die for us and pay the punishment for our sins out of love. But God also puts trials in our path out of love, because He knows that we can make it through them and come out a better person than before. God also judges those who go against Him. God loves but He is also fair. He will carry out punishment on those who are unfaithful to Him. But He is generous and merciful to those that faithfully follow Him. In all things, we must trust that God is sovereign. Even if He is doing something that makes no sense to us, it is important to remember that He is much wiser and is able to see the big picture. One of the biggest things God desires from us is our love, which is why He created us. God wants to be loved, praised, and worshiped by His children, what father wouldn’t?

How and why was the world created?

According to the Westminster Shorter Catechism, “The work of creation is God’s making all things of nothing, by the word of his power, in the space of six days, and all very good.” God created the world in six days (Genesis 1:31) and created something different on each day. After each thing He created He said declared it as good. But God also created the world by the word of His power. God is all of his majesty; need only speak a word in order to bring everything we see and live in, into existence. But God created the world because He wanted company, He wanted to be worshipped. I feel the closest to God when I am surrounded by pure nature. When I am in the beautiful rocky mountains of Colorado, sitting on the beach and gazing at the endless sky, or overlooking the fields of Nebraska and enjoying God’s color schemes, I feel closer to Him. God did not create the world in magnificent and beautiful ways just because it happened to turn out that way. He created the world in a beautiful way so that we would be able to worship Him because of it. As Francis Chan says, “God's art speaks of Himself, reflecting who He is and what He is like.” Creation is God’s way of showing off, it is through the beauty of creation that God shouts, “Look what I can do! See how great I am?”

What is the nature and purpose of humanity?

            The Westminster Shorter Catechism also states, “The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” This means that God created us for the purpose of worshipping Him and enjoying Him and all that He has done. God created us because He desired to have someone to be with Him and keep Him company. God created man not because He needed him, but because He wanted him. As Francis Chan puts it, “The irony is that while God doesn't need us but still wants us, we desperately need God but don't really want Him most of the time.” Before the fall of man, God was able to be face to face with man, walking through the garden spending quality time with humans. But humans messed it up when they chose to sin. Now even though God created man to glorify God and enjoy Him, God cannot be directly in the presence of man because we have a sinful nature. One sin didn’t just lead to another sin, one sin led to an entire human race trapped in a sinful nature.

What happens after we die on earth?

            One of two things happens after life on Earth is over. There is the option of either going to Heaven and spending eternity with God, or going to Hell and spending eternity in a fiery misery. Where we spend the afterlife is completely up to us. In C.S. Lewis’ “Mere Christianity”, he states, “[E]very time you make a choice you are turning into the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different than it was before… all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing into a heavenly creature or a hellish creature: either into a creature that is in harmony with God, and with other creatures, and with itself, or else into one that is in a state of war and hatred with God, and with its fellow creatures, and with itself.” To be heavenly is to be like God. To be hellish is to be anything apart from God. Therefore, if during our life on Earth we choose to be godly, follow His leadership, live a life completely devoted to Him as a servant, and allow Jesus into our hearts to wash away the sins, we will go to Heaven at the end of our earthly life. If we do anything other than follow the one true God, whether it is good works or following other moral teachings, it is not enough to get us to Heaven because it is not of God.

What spiritual authorities exist?

            There are four spiritual authorities. The first authority is God, the creator. God has authority over everything because He created everything. Without God nothing would be in existence. He also has the ability to change at any moment at any given time if He wanted to. In concordance with God are Jesus and the Holy Spirit. They are each spiritual authorities as well. Jesus has the authority over Heaven and Earth as He states in Matthew 28:18, “Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.” The Holy Spirit is the authority working in us. It is the part of God that manifests and lives in us. The fourth spiritual authority is Satan. Satan is the king of the world. The things that happen on Earth are under his control. However, God overpowers Satan in all things. God is the ultimate power over all things. These authorities are divided into two dominions, God’s dominion and Satan’s dominion. The two dominions are at constant battle with each other, searching for control over everything. However, Satan’s dominion will never overpower God’s dominion. It is up to us to decide which authority we will follow. If we are not following the authorities in God’s dominion, then we are of Satan’s dominion.

What is truth?

            Truth is anything but a grey area. The difference between what is true and what is wrong is as definite as the difference between the color white from the color black. Truth is by no means a personal preference. According to the dictionary, truth is a verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like. Truth is verified through God. God is the only reliable source from which we attain truth because God is the only perfect being in the universe. Therefore any fact, proposition, or principle He gives is also perfect and unflawed. Therefore, the only truth is found in God. John 17:17 states, “Sanctify them by the truth, your word is truth.” If anything is not of God or is not in concordance with His word, then it is not true. There are no situations where something might be true for one individual but not for another. Truth is found in God and only God, not in the circumstances of the world.

My God Willed Life Plan

My name is Lindsey. I was born and raised in the Greater Pittsburgh area. I had a very Christian based life in my early years. My family always went to church and our close family friends were from church. We always listened to Christian music in the car and in the house. My brother and I went to a small Christian school kindergarten through eighth grade. I have never really known a life without Jesus. I officially prayed to accept Jesus into my heart when I was five or six years old. My family has been attending Christian and Missionary Alliance churches since I was about six or seven. Since the main focus of my church was missions and supporting missionaries, I had exposure to overseas ministry at a very young age. At my young age, I was easily inspired by all of the missionaries that would come to speak at church. I felt the call to be a missionary as early as second grade; however I have not always wanted to be a missionary.

            Although I felt called to be a missionary in my childhood, I eventually convinced myself into other careers like teaching or counseling. It wasn’t until my eighth grade year that I started to feel called into missions again. I remember it started one night when I was watching an episode of “American Idol Gives Back.” They were showing scenes of starving children over in Africa that were starving and affected by malaria. It wasn’t that I had never seen images likes these before, it was just that for the first time my heart ached for those children. I think I remember thinking that someone needed to help them, but I felt God telling me that I could be the one to help them. So I started to think about missions again, wondering if it was possibly what God had in store for me. I remember having a conversation with one of my friends when I was pondering all of this and saying, “But Hannah… I don’t want to be a missionary. I’m too scared!” I remember she said something along the lines of, “If God is calling you to be a missionary then you have to do it, Lindsey!” This all had me very seriously considering missions as a full time career, but it wasn’t until a year later that God truly gave me a heart for ministry. My pastor, who has become like a second father to me and is a very influential man in my life, convinced me to get involved with a ministry organization called Child Evangelism Fellowship. CEF impacted me greatly because it showed me how thrilling it is to be doing the work of God. I went into CEF completely ready to be soul winner! But I didn’t want to win souls for the people’s sake, or even for Christ. I wanted to win souls for my own personal gain. That summer, God humbled me greatly and it wasn’t until I learned to be humble and work in ministry for Christ’s gain, not my own gain, that He allowed me to lead children to Him. Since then He has brought many children and teenagers to me so that He could use me to bring them to Him. To me, learning to make ministry not about myself, but about God, and being able to be used to bring others to Him is probably one of the biggest accomplishments in my life so far. There is nothing more rewarding than being used by God to bring more people into His kingdom. The first summer I worked with CEF was the summer of 2008. In my sophomore year of high school, which immediately followed that summer, I went through a period of rebellion against God and questioning my faith. God faithfully brought me out of that time and eventually my relationship with God was just dandy again… or so I thought.

            After my new revival of faith in God, I was more than excited to spend another summer working with CEF. I also had big plans to play with my school’s marching band again and I would most likely be the marching band pit captain. I couldn’t wait to see how God was going to use me in the summer of 2009! And God did use me, but it wasn’t in the way I had planned. In the summer of 2009 I faced one of the biggest challenges in my life so far. On May 31, 2009, I had a seizure on the bathroom floor at my church. I had been experiencing a severe headache the entire day before and earlier that morning, but I hadn’t thought much of it. My parents found me with a brush mark on my cheek and some blood on my sleeve, thinking I had passed out and possibly had a concussion; they made the decision to take me to the emergency room. The doctors had just told my parents that they were pretty sure I had had a seizure and were planning on sending me to Children’s Hospital when I had a second seizure in the emergency room. I was diagnosed with viral encephalitis, or herpes simplex virus one. This is a form of herpes that, instead of forming a cold sore, travels up through the roof of the mouth and attacks the brain, causing it to swell, and in this case cause seizures. I spent eighteen days in the hospital and I was on bed rest at home until about July. Needless to say, my plans for that summer went out the window. My biggest struggle with the brain infection was not pain or the feeling sick, it was figuring out why God had done this to me! I was going to spend my summer serving Him! Why would He take that away from me? At one point in the hospital, I felt that God was asking me, “Do you trust me, Lindsey?” I didn’t have an honest answer for Him. It was easy to trust God when life was going the way I had planned, but when He threw a brain infection my path, it was a lot harder to trust Him. God eventually showed me through times of prayer and frustration, that He had not taken anything away from me. In the words of a very wise friend of mine, “God doesn’t need us to be involved in ministry. He could do it all by Himself. But God chooses to let us have a part in it.” That summer adjusted my view on ministry. Ministry was not a hobby of mine or “my thing,” it was a privilege that God was allowing me to take part in. An even bigger lesson that I learned from the brain infection is that sometimes the biggest trials in life come out as the biggest blessings. The brain infection was the biggest trial of my life thus far, but it is also the biggest blessing because it caused me to mature in many ways and it deepened my faith and relationship with God. It is also a huge testimony because victims of viral encephalitis do not normally turn out like I did. I was able to go on a short camping trip by the fourth of July and I was pretty much back to normal by the beginning of the school year. Other than some minor struggles with keeping a train of thought or being able to focus on something for a long period of time, I don’t notice any side effects. It wasn’t until this year that I realized how much of a miracle God’s healing is in me. I discovered that the man who is considered to have the worst memory loss in the world, suffered from the very same infection that I did. Even others that have suffered from viral encephalitis are unable to walk or have a severe mental disability, if they even survived the infection. I consider myself a living testimony to the way that God heals.

            In my walk with so far I have developed values such as following God wholeheartedly, loving God and others more than myself, evangelizing and spreading the gospel, being a role model to others, and teaching others in the ways of the Lord. I feel that God has given me strengths such as strong leadership skills, a love for teaching and evangelizing, and being able to stay organized in order to make these values a reality as well. While God has designed me with certain strengths, He has also designed me with some weaknesses. I struggle with being patient, letting God have total control, and talking about certain issues or situations with some people. I know overcoming these issues involves a lot of prayer. I also need to focus on the opportunities God is putting right in front of me in the now, instead of the ones I am waiting for in the future. I need to remind myself on a daily basis that my life is so much better off with God in control, considering that He is much smarter and wiser than me. And I need to learn not to be so proud and stubborn, and allow myself to pour my heart out and be angry or sad and express myself when it is appropriate. Doing this will make it easier for God to use me in the mission field.

            So that’s me, my life and testimony so far. But there’s so much more to come. I know God is leading me into full time ministry. I am not yet sure if that ministry will be in the United States or in another country somewhere. I don’t know if I’ll be working with children, teenagers, or even adults. But I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am called to be in ministry. I have a passion for the Central and South American cultures and I also love working with children. So I feel God may be leading me to this group of people, but I am not sure yet. I have learned to accept that it’s okay not to have all of the answers right now, because I don’t have all of the answers I am learning to trust God. As of right now, I feel God has called me to come to Davis College and get my degree in ministry with a focus on teaching English as a second language. I feel very at peace with this decision because teaching English can take me anywhere in the world that God may lead. Teaching English can also be used to teach any age group that God may call me to.

            God has confirmed that this is His plan for my life for several reasons. One reason is that He led me to many ministry opportunities throughout my life, such as CEF or a Bible club at my high school that I lead. I feel that if He did not want me in ministry full time He would not have brought me to these opportunities that developed a passion for ministry in my heart. God has also provided everything that I have needed along the way. He provided the mentors and friends that I needed to become the girl I am today. He provided the money to be able to come to Davis College and pursue a degree in full time ministry. And He has provided even more than just that. But I feel the biggest confirmation that God’s will for my life is to be in ministry is that He healed me in a miraculous way from the brain infection. If God did not have big plans for me, then He would not have spared me from death or even from a severe disability. I know that God has big intentions for me, because I came closer to death than most people my age have, and God chose to spare me. The summer of my infection, I was in a particularly sulky mood, feeling sorry for myself. I remembered hearing on the radio a song that said, “He’s not finished with me yet.” I remember saying to my mom, “Oh great… He’s not finished with me yet.” I was thinking, “What else is He going to throw my way?” But now I take comfort in that thought, He is not finished with me yet. He has big plans for me even still.

            The steps that I am going to take to fulfill God’s plan for my life are to finish getting my degree at Davis College, stay involved and active in ministry, grow spiritually, and be willing to go anywhere He sends me. Getting my degree is important because without a degree, I will not be fully equipped and educated in the word. One of my favorite quotes is, “God does not call the equipped, He equips the called.” Part of feeling called into ministry is being willing to get the proper training to be able to go. I can grow spiritually by spending time in prayer, worship, and daily devotionals which will deepen my relationship with Jesus. And once I have a deeper relationship with Him, it will be much easier to determine where He wants me to go and efficiently while I am there. Until I go out into the world to spread His word, I just keep reminding myself that...

 He’s not finished with me yet. =)