I am going to be straight up honest with all of you right now. I'd really like to find a boyfriend, I'm anxious to meet Mr. Right and get married and have my "happily ever after." Because of that, the last thing I wanna do is wait on God's timing! But I know God wants me to wait on his timing and focus on Him, instead of a guy, in the meantime. I need to fall in love with my Creator! Not a guy right now.
Often when I'm thinking about this subject, I'm reminded of the goals I had set for myself when I was younger. When I was in middle school I had some very strong standards for myself. I wasn't going to date until I felt God had guided me to my husband, I was going to save my first kiss for my wedding day, and in the meantime I was going to focus on God and fall in love with him instead of boys. And to be brutally honest, I failed. I got my first boyfriend when I was fifteen, my second when I was sixteen, and my third when I was seventeen. I gave my first kiss away too quickly and easily to someone I wasn't even with very long. In later relationships I compromised on a lot of my other values and crossed many lines I had set for myself. I am a failure.
I am a failure. But I'm saved by the fact that I serve a God who's not! And I have a God who sent his son to die for me in spite of the fact that I'm a failure. Jesus knew how much I would screw up and fail, even before I did, and he still loved me enough to die on the cross and take that punishment for me. And through him, I have been made pure again. Which is why I have the ability to start all over again. Even though I've already been in a few relationships, kissed guys that aren't my husband, and compromised in other areas, through Jesus death on the cross I've been given a clean slate. Because he has forgiven me, it's almost as if I'm back in middle school and I can hold all of those same goals and values for myself.
Just because you mess up once, doesn't mean you might as well keep doing it because it's "too late now." There is always a chance to start fresh because Jesus forgives us and gives us a clean slate... a second chance.... Wow! I want to do things much differently than I have so far. I want to be head over heels for God before I'm head over heels for another guy. I want to wait to kiss someone again until my wedding day. I want to wait on God and let him guide me to the one he has for me. And I can do all of this without waste, because I have been made new and pure through Christ!
Why should I gain from his reward? I cannot give an answer. But this I know with all my heart, His wounds have paid my ransom.
