If you love your sisters,
daughters, mothers, or any other female in your life, please, please, PLEASE
stop asserting that men are the only ones that struggle with watching porn. I’m
sure we’ve all heard the generalized comments in our churches, ministries, and
schools. “For the men that struggle with pornography…” You may occasionally
hear the added in afterthought, “Oh and maybe even some of the girls do too.” Some
may even go so far as to say that women do struggle sexually too, but their
version of pornography is usually a romantic novel or movie. While that is true
for some women, it is not true for others. Some women are trapped in the
addiction of watching pornography just as much as men are. In fact, according
to the BYU
Women’s Services and Resources website, 17 percent of all women struggle
with pornography addiction. One in three visitors to adult websites are women. So
while there may be statistically more men than women, there is still a large
number of women that watch porn. Yet there is a misconception among many in the
church today that it is really only men that struggle with this. So if you care
about the women in your life, stop asserting that men are the only ones who
struggle with watching porn. This misconception does three very damaging things
to the women in our society and especially our churches.
Separates
Women
When you assert that porn
is for men, you separate or isolate women. Based on the statistics above, pornography
is clearly not an uncommon struggle for women. However, focusing on men as
being the main ones that struggle with it makes any women struggling with it
feel cut off from other women. It makes women feel like “freaks” for what they
struggle with or that they are alone in their struggle. The fact of the matter
is that it is not unusual for women to view pornography and so we must stop
treating it like it is. Stop making women feel like they are unusual or separate
from other women because of their addiction to pornography.
Silences Women
In addition to
separating women, asserting that porn is for men silences women. When you
target men as being the ones guilty of watching porn and make women feel alone
in their struggle, you make it extremely difficult for them to confess anything.
Who would want to admit to doing something that they believe no one else in
their gender does? Because statistics have shown that an overwhelming number of
men struggle with pornography, it is relatively easy for men to admit this
struggle to others and get help for it. But it is the opposite for women.
Because people tend to only talk about women struggling with porn as an
afterthought, many women do not feel comfortable admitting their struggle to
others. The misconception that porn is for men creates an atmosphere where
women are unable to voice their need for help. Stop silencing women from
admitting their addictions and struggles with pornography.
Shames Women
Lastly, asserting that porn
is for men shames women. When you make a woman feel alone in her struggle and create
an atmosphere where she feels she can’t confess it, you inevitably leave her to
be ashamed of it. Imagine the shame in believing you are among a few of the
only freakish women in the world that view porn. Imagine the trapped feeling
that would come from being too ashamed to admit your struggle to anyone. With
no visible way out, women are often left to try and battle their addiction
alone. When they fail as a result of trying to do this on their own strength,
there of course is only more shame to come and the vicious cycle continues. Stop
shaming women who struggle with pornography.
Stop separating women.
Stop silencing women. Stop shaming women. Stop asserting that men are the only
ones that struggle with pornography. Stop treating women that struggle with
porn as an afterthought. Porn is for women too and there are many women in the
world that need help getting out of the addiction. If you want to help these
women, it is crucial to break down the misconceptions and create an educated
and aware atmosphere of love where women do not have to feel separated,
silenced, or shamed anymore.
