A Whole Slew of Convictions....

"You won't relent until You have it all, My heart is Yours. I'll set You as a seal upon my heart, as a seal upon my arm. For there is love that is as strong as death, jealousy demanding as the grave, and many waters cannot quench this love. Come be the fire inside of me! Come be the flame upon my heart! Come be the fire inside of me until You and I are one! I don't wanna talk about you like you're not in the room, I wanna look right at you, I wanna sing right to you."

These are the lyrics of a song that has been in my head for most of the night. Tonight, God caught up on a lot of convictions that were due over the past two years or so.

It started out when I was impacted by a few hurting members of our youth group, which led to a realization in myself that I could very well be called to work with youth. Then I just got plain old confused over what it is I'm supposed to do with my life right now. Should I continue to pursue TESL? Is that going to be useful for whatever God's plans for me are? Not to mention I am scared out of mind as far as where God is even leading me. I know He has huge plans for me, but trusting Him to take me there is something completely different. What am I gonna do after I graduate? What type of degree should I pursue in the meantime? What am I gonna do with my summer? Heck! What am I gonna do with Christmas break? Trusting in God and following blindly can be a wildly scary thing! Especially for someone like me, the type A pesonality planner. Well I went to the Bible, in my devotional book it talked about Luke 12:49-56 and discussed change. How we should get excited when God makes a change of plans in our lives. It helped me to realize that these potential change of plans are a really good thing!

But then in the other area of my life, of course... relationships... God did even more convicting. A friend of mine and I were talking about a recent interest in each other that had come up over the past couple of weeks. We were discussing where we were heading and what God's will was. Well God was working on my heart. Between my devotional and my discussion with my friend, I realized that my issue was not only that I was nervous about spontaneous change, the bigger issue was that I have not been allowing God to change ME!

My thoughts eventually led to this: I think that I have been avoiding giving God my whole heart for... well, my whole life. In 7th grade I got all riled up about waiting to date and waiting on God to bring the perfect guy to me... and I didnt do that. I made excuses on why it was okay to date anyway and gave pieces of my heart away to other guys, allowing them to break it. I went against my promise or agreement with God and my heart is not the same whole and fragile and beautiful thing it was before. I have learned from the mistakes I've made, and I dont necessarily regret them for that reason, but I have been missing the mark for so long! I feel like now is the time to stop dreaming about the woman I'll be someday and actually be that woman! To stop keeping pieces of myself from God and to actually give my whole heart to him and fall in love with God... I've always liked God... I'm not sure that I've ever really loved him. Basically, all of that to say that I need to fall in love with God before my heart is ready to be shared with a guy.

And it's not even necessarily dating or guys. I've come to realize this year that I have a HUGE problem with idolatry. I've made boyfriends/love interests into idols. I've made friendships and huge desire to have good friends and the fear of not having them become an idol. I've let having a plan for my life become an idol. I've let my own self-esteem become an idol. I've let succeeding and trying to feel like I'm good enough become an idol. I have even let trying to be a good Christian become an idol. The list goes on and on and on. These things aren't bad things in and of themselves, they became bad when they became more important to me than God himself, they took up/ take up so much of my focus that I lose sight of just being in an intimate and loving relationship with God. They take up so much of myself, that they keep me from giving my whole heart over to God... and that's idolatry.

And that's where the song really ties in. I want to stop making excuses for myself and living a mediocre lifestyle. I want to really be set on fire. I want to enjoy life, not because of how well my relationships with other people are going, but because I'm walking with God. I don't want to just be following Jesus' example, liking what he stands for, and doing what he wants me to do in my life.... I want to LOVE Him! I want to be so overwhelmed with Him and so in love that nothing else comes before him. And thank goodness, God is RELENTLESS until He has it all. Because if things were switched, I would have given up on me a long time ago.

The time is now... time to surrender all to Jesus. It's time to stop simply liking him and to truly love him. It's time to stop planning and trying and to start living! It's time to stop being anxious to become the woman God is going to mold me into, and to actually start acting like her! It's time to stop saying it's time, and to actually allow God to change me. Because afterall, he won't relent until he has it all.

Motive is Everything

Motive is everything.
You can do something great.
You can be a great person.
You can go to church every Sunday.
You can help an old lady across the street.
You can be kind to others.
You can protest injustice.
You can be a good neighbor.
You can speak a thousand kind words.
You can give all your money and belongings to the poor.
You can spend all your time volunteering with charities.
You can adopt and care for a thousand orphans.
You can go on millions of mission’s trips.
You can tell other people about God.
You can bring thousands of people to Christ.

But if you’re not doing it for God…

Then what’s the point?

What is Love?

Love is not warm fuzzy feelings and butterflies. Love is not blushing when she holds your hand.
Love is not being all giggly when he kisses your cheek.
Love is not a mutual attraction.        
Love is not an emotional feeling you get inside.
Love is not what people make it out to be.

Love is patient, kind, and does not envy.
Love is not boastful, and is not proud, and does not dishonor others.
Love is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth.
Love is protecting, trusting, hopeful, and persevering.
Love is unfailing.

Love is not an emotional feeling.
Love is not a status.
Love is a choice you make from the heart.
Love is an action.

Love is based on God.
Love is in God.
Love is of God.
Love is because of God.
Love is shown by God.

God is love.

Holiday

A Day.

A day of celebration or festivities. A day set aside to celebrate or remember something. A day often filled with traditions and rituals. Something that most everyone participates in. A day that the media uses in their favor. A day that stores use to make more money. A day where many families take off work and spend time with each other. A day many people prepare a special meal. But ultimately, just a day.

A season.

A season where several holidays occur in a short period of time. A season that is associated with good cheer and merry feelings for most. A season that brings on much business and planning. A season that stores look forward to. A season that has become controversial. A season that many celebrate in some way or form. But ultimately, just a season.

A Tradition.

A tradition where many spend time with extended family. A tradition where many travel long distances to see familiar faces. A tradition where many cook a certain and repeated food. A tradition where many go to church one of the few times in the year. But ultimately, just a tradition.

The Reason.

The reason that really always comes back to you. A reason that many people choose to ignore. A reason that has become controversial. A reason that people are trying to eliminate. A reason that is becoming illegal. A reason that is more meaningful than any in the world. A reason that means more than words can describe. But ultimately, more than JUST a reason.