October
7, 2012
Almost two months have passed since I left Costa Rica. It has been
amazing to see how God has continued to work in my life and show me things
since then. I returned to school hungry for more of God and desiring to
experience him in new ways. I started trying out some extra worship night
services in addition to searching for a new church. These worship services were
more charismatic and a little more similar to the worship style that I
experienced in Costa Rica.
I went to these services seeking the
Holy Spirit. I understood that the Holy Spirit was God’s way of doing his will
on Earth through me. I understood that baptism of the Holy Spirit was biblical
and something to be desired. I was ready to be filled and experience God in
this new way. One night at one of the worship services, after the worship and
the message had ended we were shifting into a time of ministering to each
other. The pastor called out the crowd and asked if anyone wanted to be prayed
over for baptism in the Holy Spirit. I was nervous, it had been my first time
coming to this service and I was nervous to go up in front of everyone. So I
just waited. But a Davis friend that I had gone to the service with asked me
later on if I wanted to be prayed for. I agreed then.
The people laid hands on me and prayed in their prayer languages
for me. I held out my hands, ready to receive the spirit. For some people, the
gift of tongues is received at the time of baptism of the Holy Spirit. I was
ready for that to happen but I wasn’t sure if it would. I was just focusing on
God while people continued praying over me. I was standing in front of a pew
but as people prayed I felt myself begin to go backwards. They helped me to sit
down on the pew and I continued to soak up the presence of God while they
continued to pray for me. But as much as I hoped it would, and as much as I was
praying for it, I didn’t burst out speaking in tongues. However, while just the
Davis students were praying for the school, I was trying to pray in tongues. A
random phrase popped into my head then but I wasn’t sure if it was from God or
if it was just me making it up. But I remembered that phrase. Later on, in some
stressful situations in the month or so that followed I repeated that phrase in
prayer. I wasn’t sure if it was tongues or not but I figured I should at least
keep trying to pray in tongues. I was waiting on God to reveal the gift of
tongues to me.
God had been convicting me that I wasn’t spending enough time with
him. I was slacking off and doing a horrible job of being in the word. So I
worked up a system to try to help myself to get in the Bible more. I had been
faithfully reading my Bible daily for about a week. During this time, I started
to have random spurts of gibberish. If I was letting out a sigh often times a
little bit of gibberish would follow. Sometimes if I was really excited about
something, I’d open my mouth and some gibberish would come out. I just assumed
it was me being goofy. I didn’t think a whole lot of it. But on one occasion
when I did it, my friend Kayla looked at me and laughed and asked, “Are you
speaking in tongues over there?” And I wasn’t sure but at times I had wondered
the same thing. What if that was speaking in tongues and I didn’t even realize
it. As I began to think about it more, I had a heavy suspicion that tongues was
manifesting itself and I just didn’t know what it was to be able to control it
or use it when I wanted to.
When I realized this I began to try practicing quietly while
sitting in my room. I was kind of whispering because I didn’t want other people
walking past to hear me. To me it kind of seemed like it was just a bunch of
mushed together syllables but I kept practicing. Later that night, I was at a
prayer group that I have started. After we pray I have added a time of worship.
I play some worship music and we all grab our Bibles and start spending some
time with Jesus right after praying together.
During this time in personal prayer I was spending with God, I was
thinking about tongues. I was wondering if the gift had really manifested
itself in me. It seemed to simple and natural. But during my time in prayer I
realized that I was waiting for some big and magical out-of-body experience
from God. At that time God spoke to my heart and revealed to me that he didn't always work that way. Often times our God is a God of order and logic a lot
more than we give him credit for. I realized it didn't have to be an
out-of-body experience. It could just happen as naturally as me beginning to
speak my prayer language without even trying to or realizing it.
Around the time that I realized this, everyone else had left and
it was just me in the room. I decided that I was going to try speaking in
tongues audibly this time. I opened my mouth and the tongues started to flow. I
just kept going and praying in tongues. It was really cool. Satan tried to
bring me down by placing doubt in my head. “Is this really tongues? Or am I
just making this up?” But then I laughed as I thought, “I know this has to be
tongues because I am not creative enough to make this up on my own.” Plus it
came so easily, I wasn't stuttering trying to think up the next word, I just
opened my mouth and talked and let the Holy Spirit pray through me. It was
awesome! I was so excited to receive the gift of tongues.
Since then I have been able to go back to the same service where I
was initially prayed over and I got to pray over others in tongues. I have been
practicing as often as possible and it has been awesome! And the joy that I
have had in my heart since then has been amazing. I have felt so full. And the
presence and love of God has overwhelmed me. It blows me away to know for sure
that the Holt Spirit is in me and has given me these gifts. I am so excited to
see what other things I discover over time. I know God has more gifts for me
and I am ready to receive them.
