My First Year of College

Wow! My first year of college is already over. Where did it go? I feel like I just started. College has been an amazing experience and I loved it. I have learned so much! Yeah I learned a lot about the Bible and other academic things, but I learned even more important things than that. 


In my first year of college I have learned:

• God is faithful to forgive me for all of my sins. Even though I have messed up a lot, he took me through a healing process and has made me pure.
• My relationship with God isn't about fixing myself to please Him, it's about love. First and foremost God wants me to focus on loving him, the rest will follow once I have done that.
• My actions and words will affect the way people view me, I can't assume everyone knows I am joking.
• True friends are a blessing from God and will stay close to you when you need them most.

I am looking forward to my sophomore year!

Personal Fasts to Achieve Higher Standards

As a Christian, I am called to higher standards than what the world considers "normal." And I am sorry to say that I have been failing at truly living up to those standards. Sure, I do better than some people but a relationship is NOT, by ANY MEANS something you go about and only put half of your heart and effort into. I don't want to just go through the motions as far as my relationship with God goes. I don't want to do just enough to get by and call it good. He has called me to so much more than that and I'm tired of failing to live up to his standards, which are also my standards.

My heart has been unsettled lately. I have been battling out some spiritual warfare and attacks from Satan and myself! I have felt these areas that I have been lacking in my heart but have not done anything about them. This has caused a lot of confusion and turmoil in my spirit. But God called me out on that tonight and after chatting with him for a while and letting him guide my heart, I came to the conclusion that a lot of much needed fasting is the solution to the confusion and slacking in my life.

I don't just mean fasting from food. During this week (at least this week, maybe longer for some things) I am going to be fasting from several different things that have become a distraction or obstacle in my life. This includes facebook, self-image, and one on one communication with guys.

• FACEBOOK: I don't really need to explain fasting from Facebook since so many people do it, and I'm not going to go on and on about it because I hate it when people make a big show out of quitting facebook. But I won't be on my personal facebook account because it is just too much of a distraction from spending time with God.
• SELF-IMAGE: You're probably wondering how I plan on fasting from self-image. Well I got the idea from a facebook event called, "Confidence Week." I decided that I am going to spend this week not looking in mirrors as much as possible, not wearing make-up or jewelry, and dressing simply. Why? I'm hoping that by doing this it will take my focus off of my own appearance to other people and it will be more on what's on the inside and whether or not what's on the inside pleases the only one that can see it.... GOD! I need to put my confidence in him and not myself!
• COMMUNICATION WITH GUYS: Lastly (I'm sure this one is going to be the most controversial) I am going to fast from communcation with guys. And not only romantic relationships with guys, but also friendships (no matter how innocent) with guys. This is NOT because I am a guy hater! This is because I can't trust my own heart not to betray God's will for me. And this is by no means a reflection of the guy friends that I have currently! This is only because my heart greatly desires to have a romantic relationship right now and I know that this is not in God's plans for my life currently. I can't trust my heart not go against God's will and so I feel the best way to be wholly devoted to God and truly focus on giving him my whole heart is to cut out communication with my guy friends for a while. This fast will probably last longer than a week (if it didn't, it wouldn't make much of a difference). This does not mean if I encounter you in person I am going to ignore you! This means that I am not going to communicate with you one on one via texting or facebook or phone calls or anything else. This means I am not going to hang out one on one with you. The only communcation will be in purely group settings. I hope you can understand that this is what I PERSONALLY need to do in order to devote my whole heart to only God without my heart entertaining or pursuing the thought of having a romantic relationship with a guy. I am not sure how long this fast will last but I will let you know when it ends. Please do not try to contact me during this time, I won't respond. Again, this is no reflection on you! This is what I need to do for me and my relationship with my God!

During the rest of this week of fasting I am going to devote random days to other sorts of fasting. For example, I will spend two days fasting from electronics in general, two days fasting from food, and one day fasting from speaking. (Why from speaking? To focus on listening and observing instead of saying the first thing that comes to my mind)

And what will I be doing in all the extra time I'll have from cutting the rest of this out of my life? SPENDING TIME WITH MY CREATOR WHO LOVES ME! (and homework..... but mostly God.... because he's more important!) That's the purpose behind all this fasting, to live up to the higher standards that God has called me to and to get my relationship with him back on track! Because all of the distractions in my life has thrown it off track.

PRAY FOR ME as I start this week of fasting and hold me accountable! I am anxious to see what God does in my life during this week and weeks to come. I firmly feel he has called me to these fasts so that I can live up to his standards. Thank you for your prayers.

Blessings,
Lindsey

Door to Door Evangelism in Pittsburgh

Some friends and I decided to go door to door in a local neighborhood over break. I had been door to door once before on a mission trip to Pharr, Texas but I was expecting that doing it around Pittsburgh, my hometown, would be much different. However, I was surprised to see that there were actually many similarities. We had many doors that were never even opened, either because they weren’t home or people were avoiding the scary evangelists at their door. When people did open the door, we told them what church we were representing and asked if we could talk to them, maybe ask them some questions. This brought forth a whole plethora of marvelous on the spot excuses. It seemed like half of the neighborhood was “on their way out the door” and it was odd that we only actually saw one or two cars leave from the houses we visited. Another lady told us that the dog would get in the way and then once we started leaving she put the dog on the leash outside and left him there. Seems contradictory, right? But one of my favorite excuses was, “No, that’s okay we’re Catholic. We’re good!” I’m sure they thought that was an excellent excuse.

            When we further questioned these Catholics by asking, “When you die? Do you know where you’re going to go?” This question made them more uncomfortable. One common theme we saw from the majority of the people we talked to was that is seemed none of them really knew for sure. We might get a response like, “Well… I mean I hope I’m going to Heaven.” Or there was the ever popular, “I’m a good person I do a lot of good things, so yeah… yeah, I think I’m going to Heaven.” When people expressed this uncertainty about their “final destination” we asked them, “Well would you like to know for sure?” After that we might dig deeper into the gospel story but we didn’t get into much detail with a majority of the people. A very common response was, “Well I don’t think anyone really knows for sure.” Those were the people that we eventually had to leave. My guess is that they were so scared of where eternity would take them and so uncertain of where they would go that they convinced themselves that nobody really knew for sure so it was okay if they didn’t know either. That was probably the biggest need that I saw in the people, the need to know for sure where they are going. It seems like there are so many non-Christian Catholics out there that don’t truly understand the gospel. I can’t imagine going to church every Sunday just hoping that it would be enough to get me to Heaven. The biggest need for the average non-Christian is to have the gospel clearly explained in a way that they may know for sure where they are going to go.

            While there were many excuses, the day wasn’t without its high points. At two of the houses we went to we came across very kind and encouraging Christian women who gave us enthusiasm to keep going. And at the very last house we went to, we talked to a couple who hadn’t been going to church but did believe in God. When we asked them if they would like assurance for eternity they said they would like to know for sure. I was able to explain the gospel to them in full detail. They made the decision to ask Jesus to clean the sin from their hearts so that they could go to Heaven. It seemed like they just saw it as the logical thing to do. We left them with some tracts and some basic instruction on how to further their relationship with God. We also got their name and encouraged them to get plugged into a church. It was a very uplifting and exciting end to the day.

The Love of God

God doesn't work through three point outlines and checklists... he doesn't fit into them. Christianity isn't supposed to be about figuring out where I'm lacking and making it better. It's not about fixing the things that are wrong in my life in order to make God happy. It's about loving God so that he will be the source of my happiness. We are not the source of God's happiness, he doesn't need us in order for him to be happy. It's not about me fixing me so that I can be a better daughter to God. It's about me loving God and letting God in so that He can fix because I am his daughter that he can't love any more or less. God loves us so much that it's impossible for him to love us any more than he already does.


It's not that there's a measurement of God's love that the human mind can't comprehend. It's that there is no measurement to God's love at all. The fact that there is no measurement and no end is what humans cannot fully understand. Jesus knew every single one of my failures, even ones that haven't happened yet, and he bought me anyway. It's like buying a car that doesn't work, fixing it, knowing that it will most likely break down again, but still choosing to buy and keep fixing it every time.


God does not only know how many hairs are on our head, he knows which one started to grow first and what each one looks like.


I don't wanna talk about God, I wanna talk TO God. I should want to show off God like a child shows off a trophey. We don't see God with our eyes, we see God with our hearts.


God may get mad at me, but only because he loves me and wants better for me.


God promises me that he will help me. I can't fix myself. I can't even fix myself with God's help... God has to fix me. I just have to let him. It's not a list of steps and procedures to go through so I can be renewed... it's all HIM! And when I ask him to fix me, he will... it's that simple. God... it's not me... it's you. I don't want my faith to be about me, I want it to be about God!


There's no pressure to succeed and do well in order to please God. He already knows the outcome of my efforts, he loves me anyway. He just wants me to love him and give myself over to him, he'll work with me as we go. He just wants me to persevere and strive for him, to pursue him. He will meet me in those efforts. When I fail, he'll be there to help me back up and fix me up so I can keep moving. God bought it all. Jesus died for me and all that I can't be too. He doesn't just want the good parts of me... he wants it all so he can fix the bad parts too.

Make your Shadow like Night

So for a while now I have been dreading making a decision about this coming summer. I have no idea what I'm going to do. For a while I was planning on going back to flipping funnel cakes full time, I do make a lot of money at that job because I get so many hours. That would be the easy thing to do. But God has been sort of tugging on my heart, making me think that he wants me to do some sort of ministry this summer instead. I have been torn because I do have to be able to pay for school and being involved in some sort of ministry instead of working where I worked last summer, won't bring in as much money. So I have been very up in the air about what to do with my summer.

This past Saturday, my family and some people from our church went to another church to hear from a guy that has been in Costa Rica doing some missions work there. He shared about his time there and talked about the organization he was working with. He talked a lot about stepping out in faith, do what seems illogical if God is leading you to do it, have faith that he will open the doors for you. I started to play around with the idea of going to Costa Rica short term this summer. I was inspired to step out in faith and do something crazy like go on a missions trip instead of working. I went and gave the people in charge of the organization my information so that they could get in touch with me and I could do more research about going on a trip. I decided I would pray about it and see what happens.

That night in my devotions, I read Isaiah 16. In verse three, the phrase, "Make your shadow like night." I pondered the phrase, wondering what it really meant. To me it meant to make something completely obvious. The decision wasn't just a shadow, easy to miss, it was like night, evident everywhere you looked. That night I prayed that God would make his will as obvious as night to me concerning Costa Rica. I prayed that he would give me a clear and obvious sign to show me if he wanted me to go to Costa Rica.

The next day at church, once the service was over I was sitting down waiting for the rest of my family to be ready to leave. A gentleman that goes to my church, came over to me, handed me an envelope and walked away. The outside of the envelope read, "Lindsey, use this as you see fit. Not for school!" I opened the envelope, and inside it was a hundred dollar bill. My jaw dropped when I saw how much it was, I couldn't believe it!

As I have been contemplating what to do with it, I had the thought that I could put it towards a fund for Costa Rica. But it wasn't until tonight that everything clicked. I had prayed for a clear sign to go to Costa Rica and the next day God drops an extra hundred dollars into my hand. I truly feel like he is telling me, "See Lindsey? I'll take care of the money." I feel like God wants me to step out in faith and go.

I still have yet to see where my summer will go and all the logistics, but I will keep praying that God will reveal his will to me by making his shadow like night. Pray for me as I search for God's will in summer 2012.

The Israelites and Me

This is a reflection I wrote for my Pentateuch class as a reflection after finishing all five books.
It’s so easy for me to read about the Israelites and think something along the lines of, “Why is it so hard for them to just obey God and trust him and worship only him?” I feel this way because God was so evident to them and so near. They witnessed so many amazing miracles. My initial thought is, “If I had been an Israelite and God was doing such blatantly obvious works in my life, I wouldn’t have acted like the Israelites.” But that’s such a stupid thought for me to have, because then God starts saying to me, “Oh really, Lindsey? I gave you two great parents and placed you in a family where you have opportunities that many don’t. I placed the mentors in your life that you needed. I spared your life when you very easily could have died from a brain infection. I created you with every skill you need to be successful in life.” And then I start to realize that I don’t give God enough credit. He has done so much in my life and often times I give the credit to someone else, or I’m too distracted with my materialistic idols to give him the glory he truly deserves. And I don’t really trust God, I’m scared to death for my future because I don’t know what’s going to happen and I’m so much of a planner that I would rather do it my way. Gee… I guess in a lot of ways, I’m in the same boat as the Israelites

A Whole Slew of Convictions....

"You won't relent until You have it all, My heart is Yours. I'll set You as a seal upon my heart, as a seal upon my arm. For there is love that is as strong as death, jealousy demanding as the grave, and many waters cannot quench this love. Come be the fire inside of me! Come be the flame upon my heart! Come be the fire inside of me until You and I are one! I don't wanna talk about you like you're not in the room, I wanna look right at you, I wanna sing right to you."

These are the lyrics of a song that has been in my head for most of the night. Tonight, God caught up on a lot of convictions that were due over the past two years or so.

It started out when I was impacted by a few hurting members of our youth group, which led to a realization in myself that I could very well be called to work with youth. Then I just got plain old confused over what it is I'm supposed to do with my life right now. Should I continue to pursue TESL? Is that going to be useful for whatever God's plans for me are? Not to mention I am scared out of mind as far as where God is even leading me. I know He has huge plans for me, but trusting Him to take me there is something completely different. What am I gonna do after I graduate? What type of degree should I pursue in the meantime? What am I gonna do with my summer? Heck! What am I gonna do with Christmas break? Trusting in God and following blindly can be a wildly scary thing! Especially for someone like me, the type A pesonality planner. Well I went to the Bible, in my devotional book it talked about Luke 12:49-56 and discussed change. How we should get excited when God makes a change of plans in our lives. It helped me to realize that these potential change of plans are a really good thing!

But then in the other area of my life, of course... relationships... God did even more convicting. A friend of mine and I were talking about a recent interest in each other that had come up over the past couple of weeks. We were discussing where we were heading and what God's will was. Well God was working on my heart. Between my devotional and my discussion with my friend, I realized that my issue was not only that I was nervous about spontaneous change, the bigger issue was that I have not been allowing God to change ME!

My thoughts eventually led to this: I think that I have been avoiding giving God my whole heart for... well, my whole life. In 7th grade I got all riled up about waiting to date and waiting on God to bring the perfect guy to me... and I didnt do that. I made excuses on why it was okay to date anyway and gave pieces of my heart away to other guys, allowing them to break it. I went against my promise or agreement with God and my heart is not the same whole and fragile and beautiful thing it was before. I have learned from the mistakes I've made, and I dont necessarily regret them for that reason, but I have been missing the mark for so long! I feel like now is the time to stop dreaming about the woman I'll be someday and actually be that woman! To stop keeping pieces of myself from God and to actually give my whole heart to him and fall in love with God... I've always liked God... I'm not sure that I've ever really loved him. Basically, all of that to say that I need to fall in love with God before my heart is ready to be shared with a guy.

And it's not even necessarily dating or guys. I've come to realize this year that I have a HUGE problem with idolatry. I've made boyfriends/love interests into idols. I've made friendships and huge desire to have good friends and the fear of not having them become an idol. I've let having a plan for my life become an idol. I've let my own self-esteem become an idol. I've let succeeding and trying to feel like I'm good enough become an idol. I have even let trying to be a good Christian become an idol. The list goes on and on and on. These things aren't bad things in and of themselves, they became bad when they became more important to me than God himself, they took up/ take up so much of my focus that I lose sight of just being in an intimate and loving relationship with God. They take up so much of myself, that they keep me from giving my whole heart over to God... and that's idolatry.

And that's where the song really ties in. I want to stop making excuses for myself and living a mediocre lifestyle. I want to really be set on fire. I want to enjoy life, not because of how well my relationships with other people are going, but because I'm walking with God. I don't want to just be following Jesus' example, liking what he stands for, and doing what he wants me to do in my life.... I want to LOVE Him! I want to be so overwhelmed with Him and so in love that nothing else comes before him. And thank goodness, God is RELENTLESS until He has it all. Because if things were switched, I would have given up on me a long time ago.

The time is now... time to surrender all to Jesus. It's time to stop simply liking him and to truly love him. It's time to stop planning and trying and to start living! It's time to stop being anxious to become the woman God is going to mold me into, and to actually start acting like her! It's time to stop saying it's time, and to actually allow God to change me. Because afterall, he won't relent until he has it all.