Disqualified
“High risk, not safe, disqualified.”
Just a few of the reasons I hear them say.
Once more, a willing heart denied,
Because of a tainted past that’s not today.
Forgive me, but I must ask this,
Where is the line between our safety and God’s grace?
I wonder if there’s something we may have missed?
Can’t God use them in spite of all their mistakes?
I understand, safety’s needed,
No room for risky people in ministry.
But what makes me squirm where I’m seated,
Is didn’t Jesus take a bigger risk on me?
Can’t we look deeper than who they were?
Couldn’t we consider God’s great redemption?
Realize how God has made them pure,
How he might use them for kingdom expansion?
Please take some time to ponder and ask,
Would the Apostle Paul, with all his sins,
Horrible crimes, and treacherous past,
From your ministry, be disqualified?
Explanation:
I was prompted to write this poem because I got to thinking about some of the qualifications some ministries put on their volunteers. Recently, I know of someone being turned away from working with a ministry because of a criminal record that was just too recent. I firmly believe that this friend is changed and would have been a wonderful asset to the ministry. So I’m wondering, what’s the line between protecting our ministries but also realizing that God redeems and transforms people.
The harsh reality is that many modern churches would have disqualified the Apostle Paul from working in their ministries. God didn’t need Paul to wait a couple years before being far enough removed from his past to start his ministry. God had an encounter with Paul and then he was ready to start serving God. Through the great redeeming that God did with Paul, the persecutor and murderer, he was able to become one of the most influential missionaries in the faith.
So where’s the line? Where does consequence meet redemption? At what point do we disqualify people from working in ministry if they have a past with criminal records? If God can transform hearts and truly change people and Christianity is in the redemption business, then why do we disqualify people because of their past?
I suppose the best answer to that is relationship. Rather than blanket rules and qualifications, we should contact people who know the individual in question and see if they are truly a risk or not. Who are we to say that a background check should disqualify someone from working in ministry? What if that ministry is exactly what God wants to use to raise someone up to be a strong Christian leader expanding the kingdom of God? We should be less concerned about the number of charges in the past and more concerned about the heart in the present moment.
If we look at only the past, the apostle Paul himself would have been disqualified from working in ministry. But when we look at the heart, we are able to examine what God has done instead of focusing on what that person has done.
I have been reading through the Psalms lately. Some of them are really depressing and harsh or extreme. But it never ceases to amaze me that even if the psalmist spends 75% of the psalm whining about how good things are, at some point in the psalm, they always give glory back to God. I’ve realized as I have read through the psalms, that it’s because even when the circumstances of life sucks, it has no reflection on the goodness of God. I realize my post last week was a bit down in the dumps. But here’s part 2… here’s the part where I give glory back to God.
Last week, I was definitely struggling with feeling alone and overwhelmed by all of the change taking place in my life. Even so far in this first month of school, there have nights full of tears and journal entries full of fears. But I am realizing now that I never should have doubted God’s faithfulness in any of this. I had briefly considered transferring schools for my third year of college a while ago. I knew I was on a five year plan and was a little nervous to stay at Davis where options for friends seemed to be running out. But God eventually convicted my heart and showed me that my motives for wanting to transfer were only based in fear. He spoke to my heart to stay here, where he had led me, and to trust that if I stayed where God wanted me to be and trusted in him, he would provide exactly what I needed.
It’s amazing how quickly we forget those promises from God when the storm comes. The storm certainly raged this semester, and it is not necessarily done raging. But this week, God’s faithfulness started to shine through the storm. Unexpected friends came into my life that I am so grateful for already. I was reminded that I have a great mentor who is there for me when I met with her this weekend. And I ran into a couple I used to go to church with and they invited me back to the young adults group at that church. I wasn’t sure about going at first but I recognized it as a potential blessing from God, an opportunity to make some friends. I did end up going and I even brought one of those new friends from Davis along with me. We had a great time and I am feeling blessed by the unexpected but wonderful ways that God works.
I’m not saying that within a week, everything in my life has gone from hard to just fine and dandy. But God has begun to give me joy in the midst of the hard time. And he is coming through for me just like he always promised he would do. I am feeling so blessed because of that tonight. I know the storm isn’t over, but I’m speaking against fear and clinging the promises that God has given me until it ends.
I won’t try and paint a rosy picture for you all. Life is a little bit of a struggle lately. As you may remember from previous posts, I said goodbye to some very close friends last semester. They have moved on to other things and aren’t taking classes here at Davis this year. I had been anticipating that a lot was going to change as a result of that and so far I have not been wrong.
One of my biggest fears is being alone. I didn’t have a very good experience in my last two years of high school due to loneliness. Since then, I have been terrified of facing that type of loneliness again. But I sense that God is currently leading me into a season of loneliness and also change. That change scares me! I was so happy and content with my life the way it was last year. And now suddenly everything is changing. My pastor is moving to a different church. My friends are gone. Everything seems very uncertain.
A huge lesson I am learning right now is that God is the solid, eternal, unchanging rock. And we can rely on him for support when everything else is changing. I’ve been reminding myself of that a lot lately. It’s not that I’m trying to that truth as a blanket statement Band-Aid to make the fear and hurt go away. I keep reminding myself of that so that I will actually learn it.
It’s been hard. And it’s certainly not going to go away all at once. But I am learning to trust the God that never moves even when this world around me seems to be like shifting sand. I’m hoping that through these trials he will teach me something big. I titled this as part one of a series because I have faith that God is going to keep speaking to me and teaching me this valuable lesson. Part 1 is a bit gloomy, I know. But I know that God will be faithful to bring a part 2. I appreciate your prayers as I continue pursuing him to discover what it is.
I had been thinking a lot about the negative connotation that the word "scar" often holds. But for the Christian, those scars are actually valuable parts of our testimony. We should embrace them instead of hide them. We shouldn't feel guilty for who we used to be but instead should see that our testimonies are a tribute to God's redeeming powers. So I put all this into a poem, check it out....
Scars
My past littered with dirt and filth,
Shouts of distress and cries for help.
My heart was dark, lost, and scared.
But in trying to escape I continuously fell.
But then he found, loved, and redeemed me,
Picked me up and cleansed my soul.
A new creation finally free,
He filled me ‘til my spirit was full.
But though I have been born again,
My spirit living pure and freely,
Some days, every now and then,
Past memories still come back to me.
I remember who it is I used to be,
The memories heavy and painful.
God, take these terrible scars away from me!
They make me feel so guilty and shameful.
But in a still, small voice you gently remind,
These memories and scars bring you glory.
So instead of wishing to simply rewind,
I must view the scars as an amazing grace story.
Don’t try to wash the scars away,
Instead be willing to show them to others.
For the very scars you tend to hate,
Could greatly impact your sisters and brothers.
Each scar is a beautiful thing, you see,
No longer a wound but proof of his healing.
All together, they make a testimony,
A tribute to God’s power of redeeming.
Why, oh why, do you still hide your scars?
You don’t have to be ashamed anymore.
