Where I Belong

Where I Belong

Show me your love, oh Lord.

This world has so many uncertainties.

Though truth is in your word,

I’m struggling to find stability.

Wrap me in your love, Father,

My mind knows that you are always there,

But my heart is so bothered,

Fear and insecurity everywhere.

I’m trying to be strong,

Attempting to learn my identity.

Wearily pushing on,

Finding so much I don’t like about me.

But this I realize,

You have designed me with a great purpose.

I won’t believe the lies,

Because I know for me you are jealous.

And I am who you made me,

I’m fearfully and wonderfully made.

Here I am on bended knee,

Finding my stability with your aid.

So in every circumstance,

It’s in you that I find love and my place.

So when I lack confidence,

I will look back into your loving face.

Stop Jesus Juking Valentine's Day!

Christians, please stop Jesus juking Valentine’s Day! 

It’s okay, I promise you, Jesus will still love you even if you don’t call him your valentine. I hear so many Christians, every year on Valentine’s Day, justifying their celebration of the holiday with phrases like, “Jesus is my ultimate Valentine!” or “God’s love is all I need!” and the especially terrible one, “I don’t need a person! God is my valentine!”

I am by no means against celebrating Valentine’s Day. I think it’s a great day that can be used to be intentional about showing the people around you love. I just wish people would act like they do on Valentine’s Day on a regular basis (but that’s another rant for another day). But there is nothing wrong with celebrating Valentine’s Day. But so many Christians act like there is! It’s like they feel guilty for celebrating a secular holiday or something and so they try to justify it by Jesus juking it. As if they have to remind everyone else that sure, we may show love to other people on Valentine’s Day, but we especially remember how much God loves us.

Most of the time this is done by single Christians trying to appear satisfied with their singleness. “I don’t need a person to be my Valentine! I have Jesus!” I am glad you have Jesus in your life. I am glad you realize he loves you more than anyone else ever could. But for goodness sake, stop using Jesus as a mask to cover up the fact that you are clearly not happy with your singleness! If you were really satisfied with being single, you wouldn’t feel the need to constantly remind people that you don’t need a significant other anyways. You might actually feel at peace with wanting, but just waiting, for the right person to come along. Not to mention, if you want to focus on Jesus’ love, why are you only calling him your valentine and talking about how much you love him on the holiday?

It is unfair to God to use him as a substitute for someone else. God is not a substitute for a valentine. God is love! God is not the person you go to because you couldn’t find anyone else. He deserves much higher authority and respect in your life than to be remembered once a year on a holiday that makes you feel lonely. Maybe if you tried to love God as much as you do on Valentine’s Day, you wouldn’t feel as lonely when the holiday came around once a year. Don’t make God a substitute for a person. Love God first and foremost in your life and then if someone else comes along, great! But don’t treat God like a substitute! You should have a relationship with God and place him at the center of all your relationships. Don’t pencil him into your life once a year on Valentine’s Day so you can call someone your valentine. Love God and let him love you every day of the year, not just on Valentine’s Day.

It’s okay if Jesus isn’t your Valentine. Because God is so much bigger than that! He is so much bigger than a title that lasts for a day. He is so much bigger than a name that infatuated people give to someone they may not even be with the rest of their life. His love is deep and high and wide and long. Jesus doesn’t need to be your Valentine because he wants to be so much more than that in your life. It’s not wrong to use Valentine’s Day to remember God, who is love, and how much he has done for us. I am not saying that’s wrong! But don’t cheapen the role that God is able to play in your life by only focusing on his love once a year. God doesn’t have to be your valentine because he is your God! He is your father, your provider, your protector, your deliverer, your friend, your savior, your everything! And certainly, don’t feel guilty for celebrating Valentine’s Day.  It’s okay to show love to a person too. When God is at the center of your life and you are focusing on him in your everyday, you won’t feel so guilty for taking a day to focus on another person as well.

Make God your center, love him every day of the year, and stop Jesus juking Valentine’s Day!

(Also, 1 Corinthians 13 is about exercising love when using spiritual gifts. It’s a painful exhortation to the Corinthian church, please stop making it a fluffy, gooey, touchy, feely passage about loving your significant other and take it for what it is meant to be: a reminder of how to love to body of Christ every day!)

Blessings: The Meaning Behind My Tattoo

I got a tattoo today.  It is the word “Blessings” with the date, May 31, 2009. That was the day I had two seizures and was diagnosed with viral encephalitis, a brain infection. The brain infection was a huge trial in my life. I spent eighteen days in the hospital and I had to give up doing ministry for the summer and several other plans. I was closer to death than ever before. For a while we were unsure how much brain damage the infection would leave me with. It was a scary and trying time for me and my family.

But the word “blessings” is significant too. Because through that experience, God taught me that even in the midst of trials, his blessings are ever present. God’s blessings for his children are everywhere and in everything. Even in the midst of the infection there were blessings. It happened with only nine days left in the school year so I did not get behind. We lived within a half an hour of one of the best hospitals for neurology. The seizures were a blessing because they showed us that something was wrong. The infection may have gone on unnoticed without the seizures and ultimately could have taken my life. Even in the midst of a big trial, God was blessing me in many ways.

More blessings flowed after leaving the hospital. Because we caught it so early, I suffer from very little side effects of the infection. Though there is scarring on my brain, I live a normal life. Other people with the same infection suffer from epilepsy or memory loss as a result. I do not suffer from any major side effects. The complete healing that came by God is a huge blessing in and of itself.

As I result of the infection, I rediscovered many other things I was blessed with. I realized how blessed I was with a good family. I realized how blessed I was to be alive. I began to be so much more thankful for these smaller blessings that I had never really been thankful for before. And as a result of all of this, I did a lot of maturing in the summer of 2009 as I learned to be thankful for the many blessings God had given me that I had never thought about before.

I heard the worship team singing, “You give and take away, you give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name,” right before I had my first seizure in the church bathroom. That song so describes what I went through that summer. Though God took away that summer, there were still blessings through it all. And even though he took away, he gave back and in a greater abundance of blessings than before. I had the chance to get angry with God and stop trusting in him. But instead I trusted him in the middle of the storm and blessed his name anyways.

Through it all, God taught me so much and blessed me so much. May 31, 2009 brought on one of the biggest trials of my life. But through that trial, God brought a blessing. Sometimes the trials of this life truly are the biggest blessings in disguise.

The CEF Impact

I wanted to be a missionary around the age of eight years old. By eighth grade, I felt God was calling me into a career in ministry. And at age fifteen, I felt God leading me to be a CEF summer missionary. My pastor saw the gift of evangelism in me at an early age and strongly encouraged me to do it. I did not want to do it, I was terrified! I didn’t think I could teach others about God. But I knew it was something God wanted me to do, and since I knew he always won anyways, I decided to do it.

And I am so glad I did! CEF taught me how to follow God even when I didn’t see results. I learned how to be humble in ministry and do things for God’s kingdom not my personal benefit. But most of all, God used CEF to ignite a passion for ministry in my heart. I had grown up knowing that it was important to go and make disciples (Matthew 28:19-20), but until that point I had never actually done it. And when I did submit my life to service and telling others, I found that I was growing closer to God than ever before. The  training I received through CYIA training school taught me many of the skills I needed to be successful in ministry! My attitude went from, “No God! Not me!” to “Here I am! Lord, send me!” (Isaiah 6:8) instead.

My last summer working with CEF as a summer missionary was 2010. Life went on and I eventually went to college at Davis College, pursuing a bible degree with a dual concentration in teaching English as a second language and Christian counseling. I don’t have all the details other than I know I am called to a career in ministry. So I am trying to make myself as flexible as possible so I can go wherever to work with whomever whenever God tells me to. I have found several different ministries to stay involved while I train for ministry. I lead Bible studies. I am on a leadership team for a worship team. I am also a resident assistant in the dorms. Recently I have begun volunteering at an inner city youth center with at risk children every Saturday and have loved my time there!

Last year, a bit of an unexpected ministry came my way. CEF of Broome County, New York, where the school is located, had recently hired a new director. I had chatted with her a bit and told her about my past experiences. I didn’t expect anything would come of it. But in January of 2013, I got an e-mail saying that they were seeking to hire a student to work in the office and also help with Good News Clubs. I volunteered and got the job! I became the office associate and children’s ministry specialist of CEF of Broome County. I have been working with them since then and still work there currently.  I love my job and the experience I have had there! Before working with CEF again, I thought that I might not be called to children’s work. But since working with CEF again, God has renewed my passion for children’s ministry. I am so blessed to have a job that allows me to evangelize children. I am more passionate about reaching children for Christ than I have ever been before. The work has blessed me so much and my love for the children that need Jesus has grown.

Because of that, I am so thrilled to work as the Summer Coordinator for CEF Pittsburgh.  I realize also that this is a big job! Please pray for me as I seek to find new locations for CEF to bring the gospel. My heart is to do more in the inner city in addition to the suburbs of Pittsburgh. Pray that God would give me wisdom as I lead our summer missionaries in their ministries. And pray that both the summer missionaries and I would have an awesome and life changing summer serving God. Pray that God would go before us and prepare the hearts of the children and even adults that we will be reaching this summer. Pray that God works in and through CEF Pittsburgh in the summer of 2014.

All Grown Up

I turned twenty-one years old today. When did that happen?! I’m not a kid anymore, I am an adult. And sometimes that just seems so weird to me. I have a lot of adult jobs and responsibilities now, like being an RA or coordinating things for CEF. I’m on several leadership teams and do a lot of big girl stuff. I often step back and look at where I am and what I am doing. It’s sort of a surreal feeling, especially when I actually see a picture of me doing these things. My first thought is, “Who is that girl and when did she grow up? Isn’t she still like five years old? Who gave her responsibility?” But the fact of the matter is that I’m not a kid anymore. I am a big girl, I’ve grown up. And while I’m still in this strange transition phase of moving from childhood into adulthood, it becomes more and more obvious that I am moving on. I have to be a big girl now.

I am so grateful for the works God has completed in my life in the past 21 years. He has been faithful to work with me through all of my flaws and still does. In all of the ups and downs that life has brought me, God has been the constant. I have grown closer to him and he has renewed me. I am not the same girl that I was a few years ago, and I praise God for that. Though it’s scary sometimes and feels a bit strange, I am so excited to be entering into this adult life. I know that God will be as faithful to me in the years to come as he has been for the past 21 years. I don’t know what’s to come, but I know he’ll be with me every step of the way. And I can’t wait to get started with the rest of my life!