Wholehearted Worship, Being "All In"

Wholehearted Worship, Being “All In”

            What are idols? What does it really mean to worship God? What does it mean to be in a committed love based relationship with God? These are all things I’ve been learning about this week. And it has been awesome to see how God has used one lesson and linked it right into the next. These are all things that are changing the way I view my relationship with God. So I wanted to share!

            What are idols? Earlier in the week I watched a video about idolatry. Idolatry is not just worshiping a little figurine made of wood or marble. Idolatry is worshipping anything other than God. I have been realizing how guilty I am of this since I started college. I’m pretty good at making idols out of pretty much everything… my computer, my friends, boys, self image, etc.! An idol is anything that is a distraction from God. I was sitting in my room one night this week when I felt the Spirit urging me to spend some time in worship and prayer. So I shut down the computer and set the phone aside for a while and just tried to listen to what God had to say. I ended up feeling led to check out some YouTube videos and God led me to a Jefferson Bethke video that dealt with this issue of idols. Counterfeit Gods Explanation

            That led to the answer of the question, what does it really mean to worship God? The videos I watched described worship in a way I’d never thought of before. They described worship as a way of living, a way of prioritizing your life. You worship anything you give priority to in your life. What’s on the throne of your life? What would you give up anything to have? What would hurt you if you lost it? That’s what you worship. We scoff at the Hebrews and their golden calf but the reality is that we have plenty of golden calves in our lives. I was worshiping a lot of other things. And the worst part is I have been worshiping them more than I worship God. I have been desiring creation over the Creator. But the creation can never give me satisfaction. And the creation didn’t die on a cross to save me from my sins. The creation doesn’t love me like Jesus does!

            And I realized the answer to the last question. What does it mean to have a committed love-based relationship with God? I realized that an important part of any relationship is that it requires you to do something on your part too. What was I doing to show God that I loved him? I’ll be honest, I was slacking big time on my end. Because it’s not just about his love for me, it’s also about my love for him. A relationship takes two persons giving effort, not just one. Worship is just the act of loving on something. So I need to start being more intentional about how I show love to God. I’m going to do this by setting aside times in my week to actually go on a date with God, go to Starbucks or something and bring my Bible and just talk to God and let him talk to me. That’s how I would show love to a person, so why not love on God that way too?

            I realized all of this just in time for my church’s weekend worship experience. We had a special worship night on Saturday and then had a message on worship on Sunday morning. Saturday night I lifted my heart up to God, declaring that I was his and wanted him to overwhelm my heart and get rid of the distractions that I knew were idols in my life. I didn’t want them anymore! I didn’t want anything else other than to be totally and completely satisfied with a love based relationship with him. I didn’t need any other thing or any other person, I just wanted to be surrendered totally and completely to Jesus. I didn’t want the creation I wanted the Creator. The next morning in church, my pastor made an analogy in his sermon about being “all in” for Jesus just as you would be in a poker game. Sometimes that takes a lot of risk but the risk is always rewarded when you’re going all in for Jesus. I made that decision to be all in, to have no more idols and to only worship my God.

            Sure enough shortly after church was over, God took away the distractions that I had in my life just as I had asked him to the night before. I spent some time in worship and prayer about it all afterwards and had peace about everything that I know only comes from God. I felt a sense of joy that God had answered my prayer to help me be closer to him. And I committed myself to him again, I gave myself to him and removed myself and the selfish desires I had from being a hindrance in my relationship with him. “God, I’m all in. I’m giving you my all. I worship you. I love you. I am committing myself completely to this relationship with you. I don’t want anything else anymore.”

            It amazes me to think back on this week. I learned so many different little lessons. I had no idea that they would all connect at the end, but God worked them all together for his glory. I will never understand his ways, but I love understanding the purpose behind everything when he finally brings it all together. It always blows my mind. He is so good to me. And he has not given up on me. He is working on my heart and teaching me daily. I am so thankful for this love based relationship I have with my Jesus.

Live Like You're Redeemed

This has been a hard semester to be single. There have been a lot of people that I know and have grown up with getting engaged and starting to think seriously about marriage. While I’m not really ready to get engaged or married, it does make it hard to be single and not be in a relationship. All of this has led to thoughts about whether or not I should be in a relationship again. I've been thinking a lot about dating and boys lately. All of these thoughts have reminded me of the standards I once held for myself.

About seven years ago I went to a BarlowGirl concert. The girls in that band take a stand for purity and waiting on God to reveal their husband instead of dating. I was inspired by that concert and felt God telling me that he wanted me to do the same thing. I felt God telling me not to date and to just spend time falling in love with him. God would let me know who the right guy was. I wanted my first boyfriend to be my husband. I also wanted to save my first kiss for my wedding day. I had some very high standards for myself and I wanted to hold to them. That was my covenant, my promise to God. I've written before about how I have completely failed at keeping those promises. I've compromised myself in a lot of other ways too. But in the end I realized that I was forgiven. I also realized that purity is not making it like the sin never happened. Purity is being clean and being given a second chance in spite of it happening. That’s what it means to be redeemed.

Because I have been redeemed I can have those same standards for myself as I did before. I was already planning on saving my “new first kiss” for my wedding day. But God kept sort of asking me, “Are you going to wait to date again too?” I didn’t answer him for a long time. I didn’t want to. I knew I was redeemed and had my purity back. I knew I could make that decision not to date until God revealed my husband to me. But I was scared to make the promise again. I was scared to make that promise to God again because I had messed up so badly before. I didn’t want to make the promise and then break it again.

I was thinking about boys a few nights ago when God said, “Lindsey, are you ready to get married any time soon? No? Then why are you so concerned with finding a boyfriend?” Well that was convicting. I had also been thinking a lot about how some people say, “I had to be okay with not getting married before God gave me a husband/wife.” I can’t help but feel that’s an unfair statement. I don’t think I’ll ever really be okay with not having a husband. It’s a desire rooted deep within my heart. That’s not wrong to have that desire. It is only wrong if I let that desire for a man get in the way of my relationship with God (which I am very guilty of doing). What I really need is just to be content with God and wait on him rather than constantly wanting to be in a temporary relationship.

The next night was prayer group. All of us ask for prayer for different things and on this particular night I decided it would be cool if we laid hands on each other and prayed for each other. I hadn’t told anyone about God convicting me about relationships or being content. And then my friend started praying for me, “I feel like I’m supposed to pray that Lindsey would be content.” And there was God again, tugging at my heart through a word of knowledge from my friend.

So today I spent some time just talking to God about all of this. I read Psalm 103 which reminded me of the great love of God. Mostly I just cried out to God and told him that I wanted his will for my life. And quietly, he reminded me that I am redeemed. I don’t have to be scared to make a promise to God because I failed in the past. I am redeemed. I can rise above my past and stay true to my word this time. I have been offered a second chance and I am deciding to take it. I realized that even though this was a hard decision to make, the end result would be so much better if I do things God’s way.

I smiled when I realized this because it reminded me of something I had just said to my dad the night before. I was texting him because he was nervous about going to Costa Rica for a week long mission trip. I had said to him in the text, “This is going to be a life changing experience. Life changing experiences are always scary and challenging at first but they are always worth it in the end.” As I was coming to this revelation with God today I realized that I could apply exactly what I had said to my dad to myself. Not dating and waiting on God to bring my husband is going to be really challenging for me. But the challenge will bring a change in me. I thought it was interesting that the word changing is in the word CHAlleNGING.

So I am renewing my covenant that I made so long ago. I am going to live as a redeemed individual and start over, taking the second chance that God has offered me. This is my covenant, my promise, to God.

I will save all of myself physically for my husband on my wedding day.

I will save my new first kiss for my husband on my wedding day.

I will not date unless God has told me that the man is going to be my husband.

I am very happy about all of this. I know it will be difficult at times but I am looking forward to the rewards God has in store for me. I can’t wait until God reveals this guy to me. I can’t wait until my wedding day when I get to have my new first kiss with the man that I have been waiting for. But I’m really looking forward to what God is going to teach me in the meantime. And I am so thankful that I serve a God who loves me enough to redeem me and give me a second chance.

Shortly after I made this decision and wrote it down on paper, the song “The Stand” by Hillsong United came on. The lyrics fit the situation perfectly. Especially the part that says, “So what can I say, What can I do, But offer this heart O God, Completely to You. So I'll stand, With arms high and heart abandoned, In awe of the One who gave it all. So I'll stand, My soul Lord to You surrendered. All I am is Yours.”

Prophecy

Tonight at church people were laying hands on me and praying over me. I was in prayer myself, listening for anything God might be saying to me. One of the people praying for me was praying that God would give me direction and that he would make his will very clear to me. Shortly after he prayed that, I started to get a mental picture of a tea bag in a small glass of water. At first I thought it was just a random thought but then God started speaking to my heart about it. He said “Dilute into the water that you are in now and someday I will give you an ocean.” I thought it was really cool and encouraging. God spoke to my heart about big things a while ago. That word that I received today was confirmation that he has big things in his will for my life.

It was also an encouraging night because God gave me some prophetic words for other people. I went to church and prayed, “Okay God, I’ve learned the gifts of tongues. Tonight I wanna flow in the gift of prophecy.” And in two instances when I was praying over friends God gave me a mental image that I believed meant something for that person. One time I pictured a tree and knew to pray, “I pray that you will be like a tree. You grew up from something small but now you provide shade and comfort for those around you.” It was really cool. I can’t wait to see what other gifts of the spirit God teaches me in the time to come!

Continued Revelation

October 7, 2012

Almost two months have passed since I left Costa Rica. It has been amazing to see how God has continued to work in my life and show me things since then. I returned to school hungry for more of God and desiring to experience him in new ways. I started trying out some extra worship night services in addition to searching for a new church. These worship services were more charismatic and a little more similar to the worship style that I experienced in Costa Rica.

            I went to these services seeking the Holy Spirit. I understood that the Holy Spirit was God’s way of doing his will on Earth through me. I understood that baptism of the Holy Spirit was biblical and something to be desired. I was ready to be filled and experience God in this new way. One night at one of the worship services, after the worship and the message had ended we were shifting into a time of ministering to each other. The pastor called out the crowd and asked if anyone wanted to be prayed over for baptism in the Holy Spirit. I was nervous, it had been my first time coming to this service and I was nervous to go up in front of everyone. So I just waited. But a Davis friend that I had gone to the service with asked me later on if I wanted to be prayed for. I agreed then.

The people laid hands on me and prayed in their prayer languages for me. I held out my hands, ready to receive the spirit. For some people, the gift of tongues is received at the time of baptism of the Holy Spirit. I was ready for that to happen but I wasn’t sure if it would. I was just focusing on God while people continued praying over me. I was standing in front of a pew but as people prayed I felt myself begin to go backwards. They helped me to sit down on the pew and I continued to soak up the presence of God while they continued to pray for me. But as much as I hoped it would, and as much as I was praying for it, I didn’t burst out speaking in tongues. However, while just the Davis students were praying for the school, I was trying to pray in tongues. A random phrase popped into my head then but I wasn’t sure if it was from God or if it was just me making it up. But I remembered that phrase. Later on, in some stressful situations in the month or so that followed I repeated that phrase in prayer. I wasn’t sure if it was tongues or not but I figured I should at least keep trying to pray in tongues. I was waiting on God to reveal the gift of tongues to me.

God had been convicting me that I wasn’t spending enough time with him. I was slacking off and doing a horrible job of being in the word. So I worked up a system to try to help myself to get in the Bible more. I had been faithfully reading my Bible daily for about a week. During this time, I started to have random spurts of gibberish. If I was letting out a sigh often times a little bit of gibberish would follow. Sometimes if I was really excited about something, I’d open my mouth and some gibberish would come out. I just assumed it was me being goofy. I didn’t think a whole lot of it. But on one occasion when I did it, my friend Kayla looked at me and laughed and asked, “Are you speaking in tongues over there?” And I wasn’t sure but at times I had wondered the same thing. What if that was speaking in tongues and I didn’t even realize it. As I began to think about it more, I had a heavy suspicion that tongues was manifesting itself and I just didn’t know what it was to be able to control it or use it when I wanted to.

When I realized this I began to try practicing quietly while sitting in my room. I was kind of whispering because I didn’t want other people walking past to hear me. To me it kind of seemed like it was just a bunch of mushed together syllables but I kept practicing. Later that night, I was at a prayer group that I have started. After we pray I have added a time of worship. I play some worship music and we all grab our Bibles and start spending some time with Jesus right after praying together.

During this time in personal prayer I was spending with God, I was thinking about tongues. I was wondering if the gift had really manifested itself in me. It seemed to simple and natural. But during my time in prayer I realized that I was waiting for some big and magical out-of-body experience from God. At that time God spoke to my heart and revealed to me that he didn't always work that way. Often times our God is a God of order and logic a lot more than we give him credit for. I realized it didn't have to be an out-of-body experience. It could just happen as naturally as me beginning to speak my prayer language without even trying to or realizing it.

Around the time that I realized this, everyone else had left and it was just me in the room. I decided that I was going to try speaking in tongues audibly this time. I opened my mouth and the tongues started to flow. I just kept going and praying in tongues. It was really cool. Satan tried to bring me down by placing doubt in my head. “Is this really tongues? Or am I just making this up?” But then I laughed as I thought, “I know this has to be tongues because I am not creative enough to make this up on my own.” Plus it came so easily, I wasn't stuttering trying to think up the next word, I just opened my mouth and talked and let the Holy Spirit pray through me. It was awesome! I was so excited to receive the gift of tongues.

Since then I have been able to go back to the same service where I was initially prayed over and I got to pray over others in tongues. I have been practicing as often as possible and it has been awesome! And the joy that I have had in my heart since then has been amazing. I have felt so full. And the presence and love of God has overwhelmed me. It blows me away to know for sure that the Holt Spirit is in me and has given me these gifts. I am so excited to see what other things I discover over time. I know God has more gifts for me and I am ready to receive them.

The Costa Rica Mission: Thank You!

Family and Friends,

I can’t believe it’s been almost a week since I came home from Costa Rica. My time there flew by and I can’t believe it’s over already. Thank you so much for supporting me to go to Costa Rica! I had a great time, I experienced God in a new way, and I learned a lot.

Costa Rica has been a journey. But the journey didn’t start when the plane landed. The journey started when God started telling me that he wanted me to go. It has been awesome to see how God has provided financially for me. I ended up not having to pay any money out of pocket to go and I raised more than enough support so I am able to put some it towards college funds in the fall. Thank you all for being so generous in financially supporting me! It blew me away.

During my time in Costa Rica I learned several different things. I did a lot of behind the scenes work. I helped the ministry prepare for mission teams and helped them prepare in any way that I could. If that meant cleaning out an office, I’d do it. If that meant writing names on a water bottle, I would do it. It was good for me to see and do all of the behind the scenes work. I had never before realized how much work and effort is put into having a team come down for a week. I also learned a lot about the Holy Spirit. I didn’t know a lot about it before and I was confused about a lot. But God showed me and taught me a lot about how the Holy Spirit works and how to be aware of the Holy Spirit’s leading in my life and in evangelism. I learned to be thankful for the little things when I saw how little some people have there. There were days that I was just thankful to have a warm shower or walls in my house. I also learned about their culture and I realized that even though we all have different backgrounds and customs, we’re really not all so different.

Costa Rica was an awesome experience. But the journey doesn’t end here. The same Holy Spirit that empowered me to do everything and experience everything I did in Costa Rica is still with me in the States. God is the same no matter where you go. Costa Rica was not a magical land that I went to and suddenly had evangelism powers. God was empowering me there and he will empower me here as well.

I am ready for another school year and I am excited to see what God will continue to teach me. Continue praying for me as I wait on God for him to reveal exactly where he wants me in the mission field long term. Pray for continued growth and revelation in my life as well. And thank you again for your support! I couldn’t have done without you all!

Blessings,

                                    Lindsey

The Costa Rica Mission: Leaving

Day 34: August 14, 2012

Today was my last day in Costa Rica. I slept at the lodge with the team and we woke up at 4am to get ready to go. It was a little nerve racking when our bus driver wasn’t ready to go right away. But thankfully some guys went and woke him up and we still had plenty of time. I was blessed to be able to fly to Houston with the team and not have to do it by myself.

I sat next to a girl named Sydney on the plane to Houston. We were chatting a little bit. Her parents own a condo in Costa Rica and she was on her way back because she had to start her first year of college at Florida State University. During the summer she’d help teach at a public school when she was in Costa Rica. I also learned that she spent the first three years of her life in France and knew three languages. She was really pretty impressive. I smiled and could see her heart as she chatted with the very friendly and talkative little boy sitting next to her on the plane. As the flight was coming to an end the Holy Spirit laid it on my heart to ask to pray for her. I was a little nervous and didn’t want to ask. But I truly felt that God was challenging me. “Okay Lindsey,” he said, “You keep saying the journey doesn’t end here. But are you really going to live in the States like you lived in Costa Rica. Follow my calling, just ask her.” So I asked to pray with her. She smiled and said, “Sure!” So I prayed, “Dear Jesus, I just thank you for Sydney and her heart for children and teaching. I pray that you would just continue to work through her and use her for your glory. And I pray that she’d have a great first year of college.” Sydney just smiled at me and said thank you. I don’t know if it made a huge impact on her life or if it was just something nice that happened in the day. But when God tells you to do something, you do it. Because you just never know what he has planned.

I only had an hour layover in Houston and I had to get through customs in that time. It wasn’t enough time to go through customs and then pick up my bag and then check my bag in again and then get to my gate. (My gate of course was like super far away!) So I missed my one o’clock flight into Pittsburgh. United Airlines sent me over to US Airways. Once I finally found the US Airways gate I couldn’t find a place to check in so I just went to the place where the flight to Pittsburgh was supposed to flying out of at 3:25.

Apparently, in trying to communicate with the lady behind the desk, my backpack accidentally bumped a woman standing near there. And I also didn’t realize that anyone was standing in line. So when this poor lady behind the desk, who was already very flustered because there had been several gate changes, started to help me, the other lady standing there said, “Excuse me, I’ve been waiting here for a long time and you’re helping her first. And she bumped me with her backpack and didn’t even say excuse me.” The lady behind the desk said, “I’d be happy to help you now, then ma’am.” “No it’s okay, help her.” But of course we all know she wanted to be helped immediately so the lady behind the desk started helping her. As she’s being helped she’s muttering to herself about how rude I was for not saying excuse me. “Didn’t even say excuse me! So rude, I’m sorry ma’am excuse me.” I spoke up, “I’m sorry, I didn’t even realize I bumped into you.” The lady behind the desk said, “Do you accept her apology?” But of course she didn’t. It was really silly that she was even waiting to be helped in the first place anyway because she was trying to check in for a flight that wasn’t boarding yet. So as she’s waiting next to me she continues mumbling and complaining about how rude I was. Something like, “Such ignorance in young people these days. Didn’t even say excuse me. Starts with the parents!” I don’t know how she expected me to be able to feel what my backpack hit. Backpacks don’t have nerves after all. I was very relieved when her flight started boarding and she left. It was not by any means a warm welcome back into the states. I caught the flight at 3:25 but it was stopping in Charlotte first. So instead of getting into Pittsburgh at 5:02pm I arrived at 9:22 and I was very glad when I did.

There were a few things that really stuck out to me upon my arrival. One was how rude and selfish people here can be. I had to remind myself to flush the toilet paper instead of throw it away. As I walked into the kitchen before going to bed and saw a bunch of food on the counters, I thought, “Oh we better put this food away before the ants get it.” It felt totally unsafe and unnatural to leave my suitcase on our front porch. I’ve been in security mode for the past month and was used to keeping my stuff close and locked up. But it did feel wonderful to take a warm shower for the first time in a long while.

Now at home I am just trying to get packed to go to school on Tuesday. And I’ve been preparing to share in church on Sunday. Keep praying for me as I strive to live like I’m on a mission trip even when I’m in the states. 

The Costa Rica Mission: The Journey Continues

Day 33: August 13, 2012

Wow… today was my last full day in Costa Rica. I can’t believe it is already over. Time flew by so quickly! I started the day off as I have many other days in Costa Rica. I woke up and got ready and walked to the school. I helped out with a few things before leaving for Heredia with the team. We went on the spiritual scavenger hunt and once again it was awesome. One of the guys on the team is so nice and really generates joy. Not only was he entertaining to watch, he also has a heart for God and for God’s people. It’s been really cool to work alongside him. One of the ladies we prayed over was an older lady who was just bursting with joy. And it was fitting that her name was Soledad, which means Sunshine. She was so dear and kind! I was happy to have met her.

After the scavenger hunt I went back to the school and worked on putting the power point presentation together for the farewell dinner. I did that for a while before going home to pack up my things. I am glad that I get to go home and then go straight back to school, otherwise I think it would be much harder than it already is to leave. Once I was all packed up, the church van picked Christine and I up and we went to the lodge for the farewell dinner.

The food, as usual, was great and the people were even greater. We spent some time fellowshipping with one another and enjoying the food. Afterwards, we gathered together in the living room to discuss this teams week in Costa Rica. I was also honored along with the team. I shared, “Costa Rica has been a journey. But the journey didn’t start when I landed in Costa Rica. It started in January when I heard Derek talking about Costa Rica and stepping out in faith. I had felt that God might be calling me to do some sort of ministry this summer. But that was really scary because I’m in college and have to pay for college. But I asked God to make it obvious to me that he wanted me to go. And he did in several different ways, the day after I prayed that someone randomly gave me a gift of money. There was a message in chapel on determining the will of God when I had been thinking about how I was over interpreting his will. And then there was a little extra note in my Old Testament class’s notes saying to go on a mission trip. So I understood that God wanted me to go but I had to step out in faith. But he blessed me so much more than I could imagine. I got an $8000 scholarship and raised more than enough support so I can use that for school too. He provided in awesome ways and has completely blown me away. And like I said yesterday I have learned a lot and grown a lot. But the journey doesn’t end here, for any of us. God and the Holy Spirit are the same here as they are in the states. Costa Rica is not magical ministry and evangelism land. Anything that empowered you here can also empower you in the states. So the journey continues.”

So the journey continues…