Worth the Wait

I’ve wasted so much time,
Looking for the perfect guy.
I kept falling in infatuation,
But each time it was all a lie.

I’ve suffered much heartbreak,
As a result of the temporary.
I kept optimistically jumping in,
Hoping just once the results would vary.

But they never once did,
The end was always the same.
I ended up broken hearted,
More often than not, also ashamed.

When I step back, I realize,
I was looking for a man among boys.
I should have expected heart break.
For they treated my heart like their toys.

My biggest problem of all was this,
I was desperately searching for “love,”
But my priorities were terribly amiss,
I should’ve been pursuing God above.

It was only when I fell in love with Christ,
That he decided to bring you along.
I’ll love you yesterday and today,
Tomorrow, forever, all my life long.

It’s all so perfectly different this time.
You’re everything the others were not.
Everything is falling into place.
You are so much better than I ever thought.

To the one who’s feeling restless, 
Watching the time tick away.
Take it from me, don’t rush it!
Because God does not delay.

It may take some time and patience,
But God, he never runs late!
Just fall in love with the Father,
He’ll bring someone that’s worth the wait.

The Speed of God's Timing

Where do you get off thinking,
God’s timing can only be slow?
If my God does not delay,
Is a quick answer less thorough?

Why do we only speak of patience,
When we discuss the timing of God?
Did it ever cross your minds to brace yourselves,
Because his timing might be faster than you thought?

How dare you make your judgments,
Based on absolute speed alone!
Asking not about my prayer life,
Or these convictions of my own!

Forgive me, but I don’t feel naïve to say,
Speed does not determine validity.
We serve a God outside our concept of time,
Outside of slowness or rapidity.

I’m not accusing you of no faith in God,
As much as it seems to be a lack of trust in me.
If you would just think outside the box,
You might discover more than you currently see.

I dare you to think bigger than your fear,
I dare you to give me a little more credit.
I dare you not to worry about speed,
Trust that I am walking as led by the Spirit.

Disqualified

Disqualified
“High risk, not safe, disqualified.”
Just a few of the reasons I hear them say.
Once more, a willing heart denied,
Because of a tainted past that’s not today.

Forgive me, but I must ask this,
Where is the line between our safety and God’s grace?
I wonder if there’s something we may have missed?
Can’t God use them in spite of all their mistakes?

I understand, safety’s needed,
No room for risky people in ministry.
But what makes me squirm where I’m seated,
Is didn’t Jesus take a bigger risk on me?

Can’t we look deeper than who they were?
Couldn’t we consider God’s great redemption?
Realize how God has made them pure,
How he might use them for kingdom expansion?

Please take some time to ponder and ask,
Would the Apostle Paul, with all his sins,
Horrible crimes, and treacherous past,
From your ministry, be disqualified?



Explanation:
I was prompted to write this poem because I got to thinking about some of the qualifications some ministries put on their volunteers. Recently, I know of someone being turned away from working with a ministry because of a criminal record that was just too recent. I firmly believe that this friend is changed and would have been a wonderful asset to the ministry. So I’m wondering, what’s the line between protecting our ministries but also realizing that God redeems and transforms people.

The harsh reality is that many modern churches would have disqualified the Apostle Paul from working in their ministries. God didn’t need Paul to wait a couple years before being far enough removed from his past to start his ministry. God had an encounter with Paul and then he was ready to start serving God. Through the great redeeming that God did with Paul, the persecutor and murderer, he was able to become one of the most influential missionaries in the faith.

So where’s the line? Where does consequence meet redemption? At what point do we disqualify people from working in ministry if they have a past with criminal records? If God can transform hearts and truly change people and Christianity is in the redemption business, then why do we disqualify people because of their past?

I suppose the best answer to that is relationship. Rather than blanket rules and qualifications, we should contact people who know the individual in question and see if they are truly a risk or not. Who are we to say that a background check should disqualify someone from working in ministry? What if that ministry is exactly what God wants to use to raise someone up to be a strong Christian leader expanding the kingdom of God? We should be less concerned about the number of charges in the past and more concerned about the heart in the present moment. 

If we look at only the past, the apostle Paul himself would have been disqualified from working in ministry. But when we look at the heart, we are able to examine what God has done instead of focusing on what that person has done.

Christ the Solid Rock: Part 2

I have been reading through the Psalms lately. Some of them are really depressing and harsh or extreme. But it never ceases to amaze me that even if the psalmist spends 75% of the psalm whining about how good things are, at some point in the psalm, they always give glory back to God. I’ve realized as I have read through the psalms, that it’s because even when the circumstances of life sucks, it has no reflection on the goodness of God. I realize my post last week was a bit down in the dumps. But here’s part 2… here’s the part where I give glory back to God.

Last week, I was definitely struggling with feeling alone and overwhelmed by all of the change taking place in my life. Even so far in this first month of school, there have nights full of tears and journal entries full of fears. But I am realizing now that I never should have doubted God’s faithfulness in any of this. I had briefly considered transferring schools for my third year of college a while ago. I knew I was on a five year plan and was a little nervous to stay at Davis where options for friends seemed to be running out. But God eventually convicted my heart and showed me that my motives for wanting to transfer were only based in fear. He spoke to my heart to stay here, where he had led me, and to trust that if I stayed where God wanted me to be and trusted in him, he would provide exactly what I needed.

It’s amazing how quickly we forget those promises from God when the storm comes. The storm certainly raged this semester, and it is not necessarily done raging. But this week, God’s faithfulness started to shine through the storm. Unexpected friends came into my life that I am so grateful for already. I was reminded that I have a great mentor who is there for me when I met with her this weekend. And I ran into a couple I used to go to church with and they invited me back to the young adults group at that church. I wasn’t sure about going at first but I recognized it as a potential blessing from God, an opportunity to make some friends. I did end up going and I even brought one of those new friends from Davis along with me. We had a great time and I am feeling blessed by the unexpected but wonderful ways that God works.

I’m not saying that within a week, everything in my life has gone from hard to just fine and dandy. But God has begun to give me joy in the midst of the hard time. And he is coming through for me just like he always promised he would do. I am feeling so blessed because of that tonight. I know the storm isn’t over, but I’m speaking against fear and clinging the promises that God has given me until it ends.

Christ the Solid Rock: Part 1

I won’t try and paint a rosy picture for you all. Life is a little bit of a struggle lately. As you may remember from previous posts, I said goodbye to some very close friends last semester.  They have moved on to other things and aren’t taking classes here at Davis this year. I had been anticipating that a lot was going to change as a result of that and so far I have not been wrong.

One of my biggest fears is being alone. I didn’t have a very good experience in my last two years of high school due to loneliness. Since then, I have been terrified of facing that type of loneliness again. But I sense that God is currently leading me into a season of loneliness and also change. That change scares me! I was so happy and content with my life the way it was last year. And now suddenly everything is changing. My pastor is moving to a different church. My friends are gone. Everything seems very uncertain.

A huge lesson I am learning right now is that God is the solid, eternal, unchanging rock. And we can rely on him for support when everything else is changing. I’ve been reminding myself of that a lot lately. It’s not that I’m trying to that truth as a blanket statement Band-Aid to make the fear and hurt go away. I keep reminding myself of that so that I will actually learn it. 

It’s been hard. And it’s certainly not going to go away all at once. But I am learning to trust the God that never moves even when this world around me seems to be like shifting sand. I’m hoping that through these trials he will teach me something big. I titled this as part one of a series because I have faith that God is going to keep speaking to me and teaching me this valuable lesson. Part 1 is a bit gloomy, I know. But I know that God will be faithful to bring a part 2. I appreciate your prayers as I continue pursuing him to discover what it is. 

Scars

I had been thinking a lot about the negative connotation that the word "scar" often holds. But for the Christian, those scars are actually valuable parts of our testimony. We should embrace them instead of hide them. We shouldn't feel guilty for who we used to be but instead should see that our testimonies are a tribute to God's redeeming powers. So I put all this into a poem, check it out....

Scars
My past littered with dirt and filth,
Shouts of distress and cries for help.
My heart was dark, lost, and scared.
But in trying to escape I continuously fell.

But then he found, loved, and redeemed me,
Picked me up and cleansed my soul.
A new creation finally free,
He filled me ‘til my spirit was full.

But though I have been born again,
My spirit living pure and freely,
Some days, every now and then,
Past memories still come back to me.

I remember who it is I used to be,
The memories heavy and painful.
God, take these terrible scars away from me!
They make me feel so guilty and shameful.

But in a still, small voice you gently remind,
These memories and scars bring you glory.
So instead of wishing to simply rewind,
I must view the scars as an amazing grace story.

Don’t try to wash the scars away,
Instead be willing to show them to others.
For the very scars you tend to hate,
Could greatly impact your sisters and brothers.

Each scar is a beautiful thing, you see,
No longer a wound but proof of his healing.
All together, they make a testimony,
A tribute to God’s power of redeeming.

Why, oh why, do you still hide your scars?
You don’t have to be ashamed anymore.

Confessions of a Pittsburgh Missionary: The Last One

Confessions of a Pittsburgh Missionary: The Last One

CEF Week 11 (July 27-August 2), Week 12 (August 3-August 9), and Beyond

I know this update is coming much later than it’s supposed to and is long overdue. But life has been nothing short of hectic since my last update. So here’s my update on the last two weeks of working with CEF Pittsburgh.

In the week of July 28 to August 1, we had two clubs. The first club was at a Salvation Army day camp on the North Side. AJ, Chloe, and I all really enjoyed these kids. They were very welcoming, and while they sometimes were a little rowdy, they were also very loving. One of the little girls asked me in counseling, “If God is Jesus’ father, who are his aunts, uncles, and cousins?” They were truly genuine kids. I’m excited to hear that this particular Salvation Army has decided to continue in CEF ministry through hosting a Good News Club. Maybe next summer I’ll be able to return and be surprised by how much the kids have grown.

Our next club after that was at a park in Pitcairn. This club turned out to be a little more like open air evangelism. The first day we were rained out and no one was at the park. The second day we reached a couple girls and painted their faces. But it wasn’t until the third day that we were able to start having a club. We probably reached about fifteen kids and I believe there were 2 salvations from the club. It was a perfect example of not giving up on a club. We could have just left, it wasn’t an easy club. But instead we stuck around and two children came to know the Lord because of it.

The next week was the week of August 4 to August 8. We were supposed to have three clubs, but one of them ended up being cancelled. I guess it was a blessing in disguise because I ended up needing the extra time to get packed for college. We had one club at the Eastminster Childcare Center. This was our first daycare club and it was definitely an adjustment. Chloe and I had to find ways to adapt our material to 2-4 year olds who had a short attention span and were very concerned about fairness. While we didn’t have any salvations with this club, we still had a great time with the little ones.

And our final club was at the East Liberty Salvation Army Family Caring Center. This club was at a homeless shelter and it was definitely humbling. We didn’t have many kids but the kids we did have were great. They were such sweet kids who really enjoyed being with us. They loved putting prayer requests in our God can. And the requests they put in were very humbling. There were many prayer requests similar to “I pray that we can find a home” or “I pray mommy finds a job.” Some requests seemed petty to me at first, like “I pray I can go to the concert.” But I realized that a concert could be like a dream come true to a little girl who is homeless. It’s more than just a concert, it’s a chance to enjoy something she probably rarely gets to enjoy. We had two children accept Christ at this club. I hope to be able to do more with them in the future as they were a great bunch of kids.

I wrapped up my summer with CEF on August 9 by planning an end of summer testimony event. I called it the “Summer Scoop” because we were sharing the scoop on the ministry that summer. I had lots of activities for kids beforehand like face painting, hair glitter, and a bunch of games. Then we went inside for sharing and a love offering and then ended the time with ice cream. I was grateful for help getting things decorated and set up. But the event went very smoothly. It was a great time of reflection on all the awesome events that happened throughout the summer. I got home from the event, unloaded my car from CEF stuff and then reloaded it with college stuff and left the next morning. Needless to say there wasn’t much turn around. But I managed.

This summer was an awesome experience. I can honestly say I could have done that job much longer and still be happy. And for those of you that know me well, it’s saying a lot to say that I was willing to be in Pittsburgh longer. I absolutely loved my job this summer. And God worked through it in some awesome ways! We reached around 340 kids, saw 50 of them make first time salvation decisions, counseled well over 20 for assurance or other questions, gave out 40 Bibles, and signed 28 kids up for Truth Chasers Club. It was such a blessing to be a part of God’s kingdom work through CEF Pittsburgh this summer.

I learned many valuable lessons. I learned how to trust God to give me the power in all circumstances. There were many times when I was stretched and challenged and had to ask God for help. There was a time when I wasn’t sure how I was going to pull a schedule together for the summer, but God made it happen. God is able to do big things through us when we step out in faith and trust him to lead the way.

I also learned that in ministry, you must learn to be both flexible and proactive. There were many times that a club didn’t go as I expected and that we would have been justified in just giving up. There were times when there weren’t kids waiting for us and we could have just shrugged our shoulders, said “oh well!” and went home to relax. But I didn’t give up so easily. I learned to be flexible. I learned to try different and creative approaches to try to get kids to come over and join us. I didn’t try to force a program if it didn’t work. But I was also proactive. We went up to kids and invited them over. We didn’t give up, we kept trying. I was willing to work with people’s schedules even if a full five day club didn’t work. At the end of the day I was setting out to accomplish a goal. My goal was to teach children about Jesus and present the gospel to them. And if a formal 5-day club setting wasn’t going to accomplish that, then I had to learn to be willing to try something else. God is able to pave the way for us and set things up as we expect them at times. But sometimes he has us help with the process. If I had given up on the tough clubs, there are many children that wouldn’t have heard about Jesus this summer. And I wasn’t willing to let that happen.

Thank you so much for all of your support! Whether you supported me through praying, financial giving, donations, hosting, or anything else, I couldn’t have done it without you! And I definitely couldn’t have done it without God. It was an awesome summer packed full with blessings from doing kingdom work for an awesome God. My heart is full!

Thankfully it’s not the end. Now that I am back up in Binghamton for school, I get to start working part time with the CEF chapter here. I am so blessed to be able to have jobs in ministry while I go to school for ministry. I know most college students are not so fortunate. The CEF ministry of Good News Clubs are starting soon so there is even more work to be done. Keep praying and stay posted! Until then…

This is a video of AJ's testimony from the summer because he was unable to attend the Summer Scoop. Check out the bloopers below as well!